What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 03:18
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I have no regrets .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why is Russia always right? All eyes toward Russian glory!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Does believing in God and Satan cause schizophrenia?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why do men like women gold diggers?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
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I could never make a relationship work though!
She wouldn,t have been !
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What was it like being spanked as a kid?
She loved him until the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Which country has the best and strictest legal system in the world?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My family never makes their pension either.
What is the most interesting question you can ask to get to know someone?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What caused North Korea to go poor when at first it was rich?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Put me off passion for life!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Do you know a good lawyer joke?
Im still living with it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
How can I stop overthinking and take action more quickly?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What is the best time for conception?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So whats the point in blame.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What did i know ?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
When she asked me how she looked .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We all went to grammer schools
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it wasn’t much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why did i forgive my father ?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Was to survive, this bastard.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Would this be the day?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But ive been too sick for many years..
She married twice! .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Who then, do I blame.?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was scared of men, in general
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I said to her
One cannot live in the past .
We were not on the streets..
I was 9 years of age.
She was in good health!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I will be 64.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I waited trembling.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And i lived it daily.
I was seconnd youngest,
He knew the spot.
She found it foreign!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was very sick at this time too.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My life is so biszare .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He resisted the act ,that day.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I don,t even have a pension.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Comes on , in middle age.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Ive learnt so much.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I think the readers, may guess!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It was going to be , some day.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.